Some of you will have tried to access this blog during the past few days and so will have bumped into a notice that it was now private. Princess Jo has asked me to write a note of explanation here.
I've closed my blog. There are a few reasons for that.
Until Princess Jo and I talked about it in person on Sunday, I just assumed that my Followers List was a fair estimate of my readership - and I only had 13 of those. But hearing that Jo had a small number of followers but a heap of readers over at her blog I went looking to see if I could find out what kind of traffic was coming here. I discovered Blogger's 'stats' page and found that I have had over 5000 pagehits in the few weeks my blog has been open. That threw me a bit. I had thought just a few of my friends and one or two others were reading. If I'm being more widely read, it really puts the whole exercise in a new light. Certainly I would feel a responsibility to be more widely read on QF and ex-QF issues - and, to be frank, I really don't have the time or interest. I'd also probably editorialise my posts differently knowing more than my 4 besties are following them.
Also, after finally bothering to take a look around the internet this past weekend, I find I'm really a little squeamish about some of the ex-QF conversation. While I completely understand that people who come out want to get together and talk about it, I feel incredibly sorry for women and girls who are as deep in delusion as I was not so long ago. I am concerned that by venting my spleen openly I may be unintentionally participating in hurting sincere QFers or - God forbid - making it harder for some to come out.
The misery that evidently has overtaken Vyckie, Angel and the Garrison family plays a large part in my decision as well. Even though I'm writing under a pseudonym there are people reading my blog who know who I am in the real world. I feel I owe it to my kids to make sure they aren't dragged into a public underwear airing which leads to their receiving personal attacks from complete strangers such as the Garrison's et al have apparently endured. I've emailed Vyckie and told her I won't be writing for NLQ either.
Actually NLQ is the reason this decision apparently happened so unexpectedly. Vyckie was planning on publishing a series of my posts starting yesterday. Clued up about my scary readership numbers, I realised that I was likely to get an increase in traffic once I made an appearance at NLQ. Further, I know that there are people from my past reading NLQ who don't know I'm dragonfly....but could probably figure it out. I feel my need for catharsis should not outweigh my kids' right to privacy. I pulled the blog without first leaving a note about my intentions concerned that NLQ might miss my email and go ahead and post my writing if it was still accessible. I'm back and addressing that now.
Until Princess Jo and I talked about it in person on Sunday, I just assumed that my Followers List was a fair estimate of my readership - and I only had 13 of those. But hearing that Jo had a small number of followers but a heap of readers over at her blog I went looking to see if I could find out what kind of traffic was coming here. I discovered Blogger's 'stats' page and found that I have had over 5000 pagehits in the few weeks my blog has been open. That threw me a bit. I had thought just a few of my friends and one or two others were reading. If I'm being more widely read, it really puts the whole exercise in a new light. Certainly I would feel a responsibility to be more widely read on QF and ex-QF issues - and, to be frank, I really don't have the time or interest. I'd also probably editorialise my posts differently knowing more than my 4 besties are following them.
Also, after finally bothering to take a look around the internet this past weekend, I find I'm really a little squeamish about some of the ex-QF conversation. While I completely understand that people who come out want to get together and talk about it, I feel incredibly sorry for women and girls who are as deep in delusion as I was not so long ago. I am concerned that by venting my spleen openly I may be unintentionally participating in hurting sincere QFers or - God forbid - making it harder for some to come out.
The misery that evidently has overtaken Vyckie, Angel and the Garrison family plays a large part in my decision as well. Even though I'm writing under a pseudonym there are people reading my blog who know who I am in the real world. I feel I owe it to my kids to make sure they aren't dragged into a public underwear airing which leads to their receiving personal attacks from complete strangers such as the Garrison's et al have apparently endured. I've emailed Vyckie and told her I won't be writing for NLQ either.
Actually NLQ is the reason this decision apparently happened so unexpectedly. Vyckie was planning on publishing a series of my posts starting yesterday. Clued up about my scary readership numbers, I realised that I was likely to get an increase in traffic once I made an appearance at NLQ. Further, I know that there are people from my past reading NLQ who don't know I'm dragonfly....but could probably figure it out. I feel my need for catharsis should not outweigh my kids' right to privacy. I pulled the blog without first leaving a note about my intentions concerned that NLQ might miss my email and go ahead and post my writing if it was still accessible. I'm back and addressing that now.
My weekend wanderings in the world of ex-QF writers lead me to some blogs that are far more articulate and better researched than mine. Having seen them, I feel more than a little embarrassed that my clumsy whinings were being read by so many. I realise now that the bases are well covered and others are already doing a great job of supporting those who are at various places along the rocky pathway out of QF. I don't think my wee teaspoonsworth is going to contribute much to that. And I'm not willing to risk my kids' safety on the off chance.
So I think I'll focus on my priorities: my kids, my studies, and my social and political comment blog - which is also private at this stage. I might change my mind about A Dragonfly Diary sometime in the future, but for now, I'm happy with this decision.
I'd just like to say that I am most sincerely honoured that some kind folk have taken an interest in my writing but, for now at least, I'm going to go play somewhere I feel a bit better qualified and a little less naked.
So I think I'll focus on my priorities: my kids, my studies, and my social and political comment blog - which is also private at this stage. I might change my mind about A Dragonfly Diary sometime in the future, but for now, I'm happy with this decision.
I'd just like to say that I am most sincerely honoured that some kind folk have taken an interest in my writing but, for now at least, I'm going to go play somewhere I feel a bit better qualified and a little less naked.
Love to all,
dragonfly xxxx
I will certainly miss your valid commentary about life in the QF. My best wishes for you in the future and you can hold your head up high and know that your decision has freed your family from a tyranny.
ReplyDeleteamulbunny