I'm the happy mother of 7 beautiful children - my big guy is 19 and my baby girl, 5. I'm launching out on my own after enduring 20 years in a soul-less 'Christian' marriage. I've said good-bye to homeschooling, skirts and church. I am not ready to say good-bye to Jesus - although to be honest, he doesn't loom large in my life at the moment.
This is not to say that I no longer have sense of spiritual connectedness to Jesus Christ - although it's under review - but that I have had to put aside all the 'oughts' and impositions in order to give myself sufficient space to consider how I should go about living a life I can own as authentic and truthful.
I am journeying forward leaving no sacred cow unflipped in my effort to learn what I really believe and who I really am.
I'm studying at uni, hand-picking only the true and trusty for my friends and trying to find my way in the world after 25 years inside conservative Christian circles.
I'm finding that it's easier to decide what I *don't* like than what I do. Consequently, my earliest thoughts on my fundamentalists past were whiny and accusing. As I continue to grow and aquire clarity, I am beginning to make sense of the weaknesses and traits that led me to live a life so untrue to who I am.
I plan to be as honest as I know how to be in this blog. This will mean criticising others but mostly criticising myself. I realise that going public like this makes me vulnerable to judgement. I want to state here that entering QF/patriarchal fundamentalism does not mean one is stupid just as leaving does not make one clever. All kinds of people are drawn into cults for all kinds of reasons - and once in, it is virtually impossible to see the wood for the trees.
I also would like to note that my journey through QF and out the other side will be distinctively different to others. I plan not to pass judgement on the infinite gradations others choose for their lives when leaving patriarchal fundamentalism behind - some run a mile, some just give up the floral frocks - I'm not here to pass any opinion on that. I'll be doing my own thing. And, it seems, blabbing about it.
